I AND MY WORDS

I have truly lost peace of mind working where I am nowadays; I wish I could just leave it all and run away from it all. But how long can I run away from life. everybody thinks of me to be arrogant; I was shocked to know the level of ignorance about me, and this confirmed my beliefs. People usually think I do not know what is going on around me, but trust me, I read the signs better than most people, and saw this coming. I just pray now that I get a decent job in Delhi, so that I can be spared this mental ordeal that I have to bear everyday here in Hyderabad.

I do not know what has happened to me here. The whole world seems to be a sad, piquant place, and a shadow of melancholy covers my mind, protecting me from the rays of the happy sun. God save me now; but I have to fight this sense of loneliness that just refuses to leave me. Watched Raaz of Rajesh Khanna recently. My God does Rajeev Khandelwal look like Rajesh Khanna of those times!

Its humid nowadays; the city is recuperating from the spell of intense heat that had been unleashed on it for a month and a half by the forces of nature, and is slowly limping back to normal. Today, I am all alone in the house, as everybody else has left for their personal work. The only person that I knew out of my office has gone to her home for three weeks, so I am trying to pass time by reading books of all kinds and watching movies and documentaries. I recently came across this documentary called "The Trials of Henry Kissinger", which I highly recommend for all those who claim to be intellectuals. The movie, though a tool for anti-imperialist thugs like the Communists, is an amazing expression of freedom, which I doubt if we shall ever be able to talk so openly about our 'great leaders' in such a critical way as well, even after their death. Meanwhile, Hyderabad finally got a decent place in the form of GVK One at (you guessed it right), Banjara Hills. Its not op...

It felt strange for the first time But yet it felt familiar The sound of it was vague to me And yet, somewhere it was similar Similar to that of a thousand starlings in song while I touched the daffodils in bloom And the breeze blowing the hair of my face Impishly playing with it When I sit next to the window in my room The words had a succulent taste to them Made me remember the time I first sucked a Popsicle And the juices playing with my taste buds But it was heavenly like that; maybe more Though you may call me fickle There was a fragrance to the touch, as he Raised my hand, and took it close to his heart Like the fragrance of the first rain drops That evoke such a mesmerizing scent When they kiss the parched terrains. His heart beat was fast, his hands were shivery And yet, there was pleasure in both As he said aloud to me "I love you Marie" And my hands then went cold "How can you play a trick like this?" I screamed "Playing with the emotions of a blind g...

I decided, after gathering some courage, to enter back into our office, where the editor and I used to sit and discuss; where my idealism used to clash with his sense of journalism. The last conversation is still haunting me deep in my heart, as I hear each word distinctly. “You know what Sam, you are fresh out of college. That is why you can afford to think like this. Do you think the people really care with others’ feelings? We are all sadists, face it. The sooner you accept it, the easier it will be for you in this profession.” “Fuck you man. How can you be so cruel? Even if they belong to the ghettoes or to the highest strata of society, they are all people. Civility, justice and moral journalism all demand that everyone be seen equal in their eyes; that they all are equally at the receiving end of the stick as much as they are the wielders of the same. Even if everyone becomes a sadist, I will be conscious enough not to be the same.” “Cut the crap lady,” he spoke, as he squashed t...

Life is such a drag for me nowadays; I do not know what to do in this sweltering Hyderabad heat. It is so hot I feel a times that my eyelids are drying out if I do not take enough water any day. I do not feel happy nowadays; not that I am sad; but I am in a zone of emotions where one is totally blank; where he or she does not realize what really is going on in the mind. I am trying to realize; perhaps it is part of the on-going process of understanding myself. I have been reading Lokmanya Tilak's biography nowadays, and feel ashamed about the kind of life I am leading right now. This man had started a reputed college and school by the time he was twenty four; and here I am, rotting away in wait of my twenty third birthday. But one thing is for sure; I am close to realizing what I really want to do with my life. I just wish that I now can really gather the courage and strength to follow that calling.

Let there be light Over the darkness shall it prevail Let there be power For the weak’s protection without fail Let there be joy To kill the sorrows hidden within us Let there be poverty For none shall be rich and mock others thus Let there be food For none shall ever go hungry Let there be peace For due to violence none shall be angry Let there be no God For in Its name no one shall die Let there be no borders For expanding which none shall try Let there be smiles That stretch ear to ear, and are genuine Let there be doctors Who never, ever run out of medicine Let all people be blind For colour, creed and race shall cease to be visible Let all tongues be dead For spewing venom then none shall be able Let us all be dumb For none shall judge the other Let life take its normal course So that sons cremate their fathers Let greed be stymied forever For then the planet shall exist And the air shall be clean; the water shall be clear And from creating pollution we desist Tell me, is it too m...